I did not know much about her.
Why she prayed in her rocker
or why we never saw her much growing up
Or why I didn't feel sad when she was dying.
I do not know why I keep seeing her in my dreams
Of flooding sunshine, washing dishes and rocking side to side
Why she loved sunflowers or citrus or lemon lozenges
When berry was what I wanted more.
I did not know why she wrote letters about church
Imploring me to go, lest I disappoint God
I did not know why I made her shamed from far away
or whether she ever tried to reach me and I just couldn't see her back.
But today I do know why she loved yellow.
The dark around us all, at some time or another,
Feels impossible to fight, but with a little help from the yellow of the stars
you can see enough to wash the dishes in the dark.