Why this writer is saying goodbye to social media

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A few months ago I took a sabbatical from social media. It was on the heels of being diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder and learning that I have been trotting through this world with, among many other things, "low registration." Which is basically a way to say that sensory inputs—lights, sounds, touches, sensations—don't register in my brain until I am about an inch away from being overwhelmed.

This helped explain a lot about my daily life and why I have instinctively backed away from a lot of "normal" socialization over the years that I had once felt was necessary in order to be accepted. The reality is that things that might not bother you in the slightest silently pile up and up and up until they push me over the edge. And then I feel like everything is much too big, loud, confusing and, occasionally, even frightening.

So I had to start thinking about "sensory inputs" in more granular ways, with an eye to catching the potential for being overwhelmed (and then put out of commission for a few days). That's initially why social media got the boot. And I've discovered a lot since then—mainly that it's time to say goodbye for a handful of reasons.

I've learned that my brain doesn't work with social media in casual ways.

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my credentials for "Listen Up," online Q&A series

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I'll soon be answering your questions as part of an online Q&A series called Listen Up.

It's a way for me to use my Autistic superpower of listening to help others.

While I think messages from the heart can make the most impact, I also recognize that formal credentials can make some folks feel safer and more confident in asking a stranger a question.

So here are some formal credentials.

👩🏻‍🎓 I have a degree in journalism from Baylor University.

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FAQ about me, in honor of launching online Q&A series

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I’m getting ready to start hosting an online Q&A on Instagram (@abh_listens) and Facebook (ABH Listens). So I thought it might be helpful to share a little bit about me.

🙃 always had the sense that I wasn’t “normal”

📚I got to college and began strategizing how much I could study, learn and practice being “regular”

👩🏻‍⚕️I put myself in therapy for a lot of things, like learning how to engage in small talk, how to date, how to be a good friend, how to ask people questions about themselves…

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the masks i've worn in 2020 and my entire life

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Being online has always created a dilemma as far as the “inner workings” of my life are concerned.

I follow so many people who are bubbly, bright, smiley and motivational. I see them and instantly sense doom on the horizon for me and all my endeavors. I am none of these things as a general rule.

And because I *think* I’m seeing into people’s “inner workings,” I feel like a failure most of the time.

I’ve felt pretty hopeless the last two years or so, and this year compounded a lot of my “inner workings” turmoil.

The thing about hopelessness (and, dare I say, burnout) is that it makes you drag your fingers in the dirt, over and over again. Until one day, you start looking at the real things.

Not the imaginary, ideal, pretend things that you’re striving to wear like a prize.

The real, inner workings.

For me, I’m looking at the “masks” I’ve worn through the last 15+ years.

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No hiding here: 6 things I didn’t know about ecommerce as a neurodivergent female

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In the last six years of my life, there’s been a kind of unraveling. It’s been slow, not entirely unhappy (I did get married and move to Colorado), but I have been piecing together and taking apart my way of being in the world.

For the majority of my life I have been watching all of you. I know that sounds creepy, but it’s true. I’ve been watching, observing, recording and mimicking how you make friends, how you tell jokes, how you relax, how you perform in a job interview, how you keep a job, how you impress your boss. You name it, I’ve taken notes and, sometimes, practiced in a mirror to see if I can, just for once, at least appear normal.

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